I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
