Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
