Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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