I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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