Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize