i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize