So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
