All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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