we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
