Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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