Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
