I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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