she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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