I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
