I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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