How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How does one acquire holy water?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
