well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
