i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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