Having a random hookup so left but love u
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
