you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Enjoy the penises
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
