even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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