oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
