You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
