I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
