he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
