apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
