i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
