I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize