you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
