Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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