dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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