I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
