hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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