i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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