Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
