Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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