i dont even know how to be here
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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