At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
