We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
