I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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