i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
