still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
