in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
