So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
