I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
