Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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