So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
