very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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