wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
