i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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