when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
