What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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