whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
