My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
