Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
