I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
