Even the bartender felt bad for me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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