he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
