Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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