I heard we made out
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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