I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
