He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
worst night to have a conscience
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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